undeadbydawn

I think I skipped a day somewhere. Today is definitely Thursday. One full week since I moved out of Ferry Gait Place. It seems much longer.

Yesterday I had the Seated Shiatsu class. To explain: a full Shiatsu session is tailored accupressure massage therapy. I look at you, talk with you, I feel your energies and figure out what you need. It’s really really good for getting your energies going where they need to go. It’s also physically pleasant, but that’s not the main point. The session you get is specifically what you need. Noone else will ever receive that exact treatment.

Seated Shiatsu is different. It’s comparitively mechanical, there is no diagnostic phase. I still focus on your energies but I’m not aiming to do anything other than make you feel good. It’s primarily physical, and in basic terms everyone gets the same massage (specific things such as which points get the most attention remain intuitive and based on your needs).

I didn’t manage to get any practice sessions done this week,so I’m 4 behind and badly need to get at least 8 done in the next fortnight. So if you want – or are even willing to try- a free treatment, please let me know. You’d be doing me a huge favour.

I applied for 3 council flats, all Muirhouse highrises, all with less than 20 bids. Since I’m Silver Priority there’s a good chance I’ll get one.

This week has been something of a revelation. There have been no friendly phonecalls or emails at all. I’ve had a couple of ‘good luck’ Twitter replies and FaceBook comments. Two people have expressed regrets at their inability to help. I’m not complaining, I just find it interesting. I’ve physically seen two people I’m not related to (Hannah and Joe), neither since being homeless.

Does that mean anything? I don’t know. Could be I need to be far more active in actually maintaining social relationships. I am mainly seen as an Internet entity rather than a real person. Sending people friendly Twitter and FaceBook comments is nowhere near enough to be a real friend. I’m basicaly not around enough for most people I know to bother much about what I’m doing.

Whether that makes the slightest difference to how I life in the future remains very much to be seen.

One thing I am certain of, though, is that coming back to this room every night where I can have no human contact is a crushingly lonely experience. I do not like it one little bit. My need to have people – real, solid, friendly happy people – has never been clearer.

And that’s exactly what i’ve been avoiding since moving out of St. Margaret’s Road 2 years ago

s

Oh arse. Something is wrong with my site. Can’t fix it without proper web access. Shit. Last post was made readable by @LordWoolamaloo

Busy busy. I’m sleeping though the night now. It’s so much better. I loaded up the netbook with House, films and music, so I can just sink into it and ignore the world around me at night. I go to bed just after midnight and sleep through to about 5am.

I’ve been hanging around the Shiatsu Centre too much. I am doing useful things there, but I’m also getting in the way. That’s not so good. So I’ll need to find other places to go as of tomorrow [Thursday]. I have no idea where. Coming here has kept me going, its nice and warm and friendly, I have work to do and there is food. Nowhere else really offers that – certainly not the B&B.

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I also need to find people to practice on. I didn’t manage to give any treatments this week so I’m 4 behind. Anyone reading this want some free Shiatsu? If so get in touch.

I got an interview yesterday, collecting card details for charity. I didn’t quite feel right there, got a bit heavy talking about Autism. Didn’t get the job, It also paid less than I thought [but £7.50 is still much better than sod all]. I suck at jobhunting.

So, was feeling a bit empty headed yesterday. I managed to break the netbook uninstalling software – pretty much ripped the GUI out, so couldn’t post anything. Got all that fixed yesterday with a new LinuxMint install. Went down to see Daughter afterwards, and totally forgot to take money out, so I couldn’t offer any. I had £3 in change. Then had a very odd half hour with ex-wife. It’s so very clear why we broke up, even though she remains my closest friend.

I’ve been thinking about Hannah a lot lately, the way it went bad and why we broke up. She deserves so much better than me. I let her down horribly, which is shit because she’s one of the best people I’ve ever known. Still, she seems very content to be single, so that’s good.

OOOH, I need to get my EdIndex number so I can apply for flats. There are a couple that have very few bids, so I have a good chance of getting one of them I should do that within the hour.

Frustratingly I still don’t have a key for my room, so I have to hang around for the porter to find the right one and come up to let me in. This meant waiting 15 minutes to get in my room last night, knackered with a big bag full of food.

Still, I had promised myself I’d take some proper time out to figure exactly who I am and what I want to do, I’m failing there as well. I watch films, I read and I sleep. No soul searching there at all. Maybe tomorrow. And tomorrow, and tomorrow.

Uh, this weeks big job was to set up Google stuff [email, docs, calander] for the Centre so info can be easily shared. I’m also supposed to put shelves up, which is a bit scary. I may do that Friday.

These posts are getting views, but no responses. Talk to me. It’s important. I’m probably not as mad as this seems.

S

It is unlikely that the internet will ever be able to produce anything better than this website.

sleeptalkinman

it’s just perfect. Go look

I’m in two minds about this. Either way could go horribly wrong, but I hoping I can find a way to make it work.

My first option is to keep job hunting and maybe, juuust maybe end up finding something full time, and filling hours with a couple of part time numbers. Then I can throw money at various things and try to get back afloat. This plan has thus far failed in every possible sense.

The second option is to work 12-15 hours doing, well, whatever. Stay on Jobseekers allowance. Get my flatmate [and effective landlord] to write me a letter stating I have to move out, and use that as leverage to get a council flat much much faster than would otherwise be remotely possible. Claim housing etc benefits, and THEN work on getting more + better employment.

the job market right now is sick. There’s nothing I can find that remotely matches both my skill set and what I’m willing to do. I absolutely will not go back into care work. I’d rather be homeless. Literally. Nothing else I’m currently qualified for will earn enough to stay in this flat, because the CSA will strip my earnings to £165 irrelevant of how hard I work.

So yeah, option two is looking more and more appealing *and practical* by the hour.

just checking whether the

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annoyingly, none of my links seem to be posting. This somewhat defeats the point of trying to point you towards Things To Buy. I’ll have to sort that out…..

Today I made a snap decision – utterly unlike me – to take the full afternoon-evening off work and spend it with Daughter. This is because I have spent FUCK ALL time with her recently and lack of being a decent parent has been gnawing at me for far too long. I would usually head back to work at 5-ish, but today we had a good jaunt at my place then returned to hers for a Hot Fuzz/ Shaun Of The Dead marathon. And it was absolutely bloody lovely.

Daughter, never one for subtlety, informed me that I had ‘made the right decision’ this time in putting her first, and was visibly delighted when I told her I was hers for the whole day. She further demanded, as I left at 10:30 ish, that I should do this every time. I cannot quite understand why it has taken me so long. Missing out on those additional five hours categorically is NOT worth the extra £10-20 quid I make by returning to work. So there, I finally win at being a Dad.

Tomorrow I have a memorial service for a client who died last month. I am also assuming the rest of the day off. Because it’s about bastard time I gave myself a break.

Love, S

Tags: home, daughter, memorial, time off, parenthood

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For a few days there, I had a major panic concerning my working hours. Poverty beckoned as my client base dwindled horribly over the space of two weeks. I now find myself, as of tomorrow, wondering how the hell I’m going to fit everything in. While it is very GOOD that I’ll be back to working and earning a lot more, it’s going to cut severely into the time I can spend doing pretty much anything else [assuming I'm still going to spend time with my Daughter and partner - which of course I will]

One saving grace is that I will not need to work past 6pm. This leaves evening free for stuffage. What stuffage actually consists of will remain very much to be seen… though given that I only ever watch films/ read/ write in the evening anyway it may make absolutely no difference!

The thing that *will* happen is that I’ll be a lot less worried about money. I’ve slowly ground my way from being damned near in overdraft HELL to actually having a small cash buffer, and pay this week should be pretty good as I’m due a decent bonus. A lot of that will go on making sure my bikes work, and are fully rideable in the currently schizophrenic weather. Tomorrow should involve a new rear wheel.

funfunfunfunfun

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